His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
