opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Ketchup is God's man juice
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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