We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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