I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
it's like iHOP with fire
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
