so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
