you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
