Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
