We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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