Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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