Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
