Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
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Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
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Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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