butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
