I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
