I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
