why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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