so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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