I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
