was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
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i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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