i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
