smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
