you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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