Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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