I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
