he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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