i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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