Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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