I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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