There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
