did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
