We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Hello my rib-scented angel!
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
