he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
