I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
