he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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