I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
