my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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