well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
