let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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