My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
