Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Randomize
