True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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