we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
organizing the empties. That sober.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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