im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
