I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I need to calm my uterus...
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
