Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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