like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
