Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I think pants incapable of making pants work
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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