Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
