His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
