how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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