I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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