By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
