I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize