He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
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he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
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College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
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