I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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