We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
