I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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