I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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