wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
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