i permit you to call me
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Randomize
