totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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