Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
