I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
