I cannot find my penis.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
