3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
