i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Randomize
