people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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