I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
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