I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
