Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I need moral support for this bender
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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