i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
