It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I think my nap took me to another dimension
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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