Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
