I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
