You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize