Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Randomize
