if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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