I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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