lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
