He kissed a someone with a penis
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i came on her dog
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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