Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
