Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
