You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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