she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
