someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Randomize
