A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
